DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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