She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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