Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
two words...techno handjob
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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