My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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