no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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