Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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