I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
