you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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