For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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