found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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