oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
