Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just invented taco cereal.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
