I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
