I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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