Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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