Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
