just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
