umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
