i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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