Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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