the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A+ Viking dick
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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