I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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