Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
cat food counts as protein by the way
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
