My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across