Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me