i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.