So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....