Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?