Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.