I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You need Xanax blowdarts
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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