I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
