saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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