Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
