this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
