But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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