:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
