I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
there is glitter all over my balls
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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