Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
