apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
