Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
