It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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