I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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