she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
