Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
