But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
