Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
