Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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