Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
