Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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