he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
not ubering you a puppy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
