It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone came in the potted fern
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
