can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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