I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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