I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
