You really coming over, don't trick.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
