im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
