On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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