YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
