I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
