He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
