Someone shit on the floor
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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