watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
