fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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