So drunk its hurt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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