I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i now understand why vodka
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
