His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
