I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
