You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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