I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
