Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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