dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
BRING THE BAGELS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
