her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
