i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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