just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
