Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize