I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
