My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
