After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
