i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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