Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i dont even know how to be here
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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