I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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