I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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